the only undocumented case of a squirrel developing the ability of human speech
Somewhere in Northern California, at an unspecified time on an unspecified date, a forest fire began. It was a rather destructive and inconvenient one, brought on by the sweltering heat and lack of rain.
The fire spread rather promptly and sprung from tree to tree, devouring the wood with it’s incandescent teeth. One little squirrel was amongst the numerous animals that perished. The actual size of the squirrel is irrelevant, because to an adult human most squirrels are “little”. This squirrel went scampering-for it’s life, I might add-until it began to tire. The fire was too quick, the smoke too thick. Breathing became difficult, the squirrel’s eyesight became clouded, and it’s little muscles ached. Death was inevitable. What happened next has been an intense cause of debate to philosophers, biologists, theologists, etc. alike.
"Was it the work of a higher being? Was it subconscious or conscious thought?" All of that was utterly meaningless, because we’ll never know why or how. All we knew was that, for the first time, a squirrel spoke. Moments before death, engulfed in flames, a squirrel spoke. And all it had to say was:
"Well, I did enjoy the uncertainty of it all."
And then the squirrel was gone.